Screeching halt
I called in sick for the past three working days. I stayed in bed nearly the entire time, catching up on lost sleep, allowing my body to recharge, and realizing how difficult it is to live on my own at times like this.
Thankfully, my partner went over to my place to check on me perhaps after I missed a few of his calls. (Told you, I was sleeping.) I stayed away from my phone, ignoring all notifications. I wanted to be alone, even if I already was.
After getting enough strength to go out, I went for a session with my therapist. She reiterated how, to her, my situation isn’t at all surprising. “You’ve always been headed this way. You go full throttle, fired up, (and now) screeching halt.”
Guilt was always part of the equation. There were looming deadlines and pending tasks, and I left so suddenly.
“For all you know, those three days were life-saving.”
With practice, it has become easy to find things to be grateful for. I start to look at even the simplest things with gratitude: A working pen. Having time to cook. Chatting with friends.
But tonight was different. Quite a struggle, really. As I enumerate five items to be grateful for, a nightly habit I’ve been incorporating in my life, my last thought was: I am happy to be alive. I couldn’t think of anything else, but I realized this was deeply how I felt.
It’s a recognition that all life is important, including mine. It’s a struggle to be where I am today, and I work so hard to be here. So yes, I am grateful. •
Thankfully, my partner went over to my place to check on me perhaps after I missed a few of his calls. (Told you, I was sleeping.) I stayed away from my phone, ignoring all notifications. I wanted to be alone, even if I already was.
After getting enough strength to go out, I went for a session with my therapist. She reiterated how, to her, my situation isn’t at all surprising. “You’ve always been headed this way. You go full throttle, fired up, (and now) screeching halt.”
Guilt was always part of the equation. There were looming deadlines and pending tasks, and I left so suddenly.
“For all you know, those three days were life-saving.”
With practice, it has become easy to find things to be grateful for. I start to look at even the simplest things with gratitude: A working pen. Having time to cook. Chatting with friends.
But tonight was different. Quite a struggle, really. As I enumerate five items to be grateful for, a nightly habit I’ve been incorporating in my life, my last thought was: I am happy to be alive. I couldn’t think of anything else, but I realized this was deeply how I felt.
It’s a recognition that all life is important, including mine. It’s a struggle to be where I am today, and I work so hard to be here. So yes, I am grateful. •