Happier
“Did you love yourself today?” is a question I ask myself daily. It’s the top item in my habit tracking list — both in the traditional sense, a reliable paper journal; and its more modern alternative, a productivity app. (I swear by Habitica, an online RPG app that gamifies productivity, task management, and habit formation.)
For a recovering workaholic like me who has defined a great part of her life by the work she does, self-love is a continuous struggle. On some days, being happy with oneself comes almost as naturally as breathing, but on most days, it is a conscious effort.
The whys and hows of happiness have perplexed humanity since time immemorial, from the great thinkers of centuries past to modern psychologists of today — and, well, basically anyone else who cares enough and is courageous enough to reflect and acknowledge that there is more to life than simply going through the motions.
Most people find my taste in music quite odd, as I am rarely knowledgable of the top hits. However, I thoroughly enjoyed the bop of Happier, by Marshmello and Bastille, so much that for a time, I kept playing it on weekend mornings. It didn’t help that the music video, which starred my childhood girl-crush Miranda Cosgrove, drove me into tears when I first watched it.
Perhaps I’m not the only one, although I am not entirely sure how common or uncommon it is for anyone, to enjoy a song’s melody without taking note of its words. When I finally learned the lyrics of Happier, I was disappointed to find that the song I thought was happy and uplifting actually tells the story of a failing relationship.
Still, I take the song as a letter to oneself, just as how Jason Mraz’s hit single I Won’t Give Up wasn’t written about the challenges of a romantic relationship but about his impassioned affair with the music industry: that no matter how tedious it is, has become, and will continue to be, he is willing to give the “rigmarole” another try, always.
I reckon what the Marshmello song truly means to me goes beyond the wanting to be happier. I’d like to think the music speaks to me as deeply as it does because I am in the process breaking up with a part of myself — the pessimistic, desperate side that devaluates my efforts and victories.
My quest for happiness has led me to the discovery of films (The Secret of Walter Mitty, Yes Man, Happythankyoumoreplease, et cetera) and books (The Heart of the Buddha’s Teachings, How to Not Always Be Working, Zen Pencils compilations, et cetera). From them, I came to apply in my life some bits of wisdom and advice. I’ve become a better version of myself, albeit slightly and gradually, but in my heart, I knew something was still missing.
The search continued, and I took another shot by enrolling in a massive open online class (MOOC) in Coursera sometime last year: “The Science of Well-being” was the online version of Yale University’s most in-demand subject, Psychology and the Good Life.
In the online course, Professor Laurie Santos introduced our cognitive biases, or what she calls the “annoying features of the mind,” which are the reasons we tend to be unhappy or not as happy as we hope we would be.
The discussion included the concept of miswanting, defined as “the act of being mistaken about what and how much one will like something in the future.” This basically refers to our innate tendency to want the wrong things. For instance, we chase after getting good grades in school, thinking that a Latin honor will make us happy and content, finally — when what we better be wanting is the learning. We also look for high-paying jobs, in the belief that earning more will make us happy — when what we really want is some sense of fulfillment by doing the work we do.
Throughout the eight-weeks-long course, Santos explained habits that hurt our chances at being truly happy as well as offered activities that are proven by research to help us live a good life.
I’ve recorded pretty thorough notes about this MOOC, which incidentally also happens to be the first I was able to actually finish, but I don’t want to keep other people from experiencing the beauty of discovering science-backed “stuff that really makes us happy.”
As the day ends, I am about to take on the last item on my habit tracking list: “Name five things for which you are grateful.” And, honestly, as days turn into weeks, and weeks turn into months, the acceptance that self-love is always a deliberate choice has changed my perception of living a good life. I am happy — not always, never always, but I am. •
^ I recently participated in a survey related to the course.
For a recovering workaholic like me who has defined a great part of her life by the work she does, self-love is a continuous struggle. On some days, being happy with oneself comes almost as naturally as breathing, but on most days, it is a conscious effort.
The whys and hows of happiness have perplexed humanity since time immemorial, from the great thinkers of centuries past to modern psychologists of today — and, well, basically anyone else who cares enough and is courageous enough to reflect and acknowledge that there is more to life than simply going through the motions.
Lately I’ve been, I’ve been thinking
I want you to be happier
I want you to be happier
Most people find my taste in music quite odd, as I am rarely knowledgable of the top hits. However, I thoroughly enjoyed the bop of Happier, by Marshmello and Bastille, so much that for a time, I kept playing it on weekend mornings. It didn’t help that the music video, which starred my childhood girl-crush Miranda Cosgrove, drove me into tears when I first watched it.
Perhaps I’m not the only one, although I am not entirely sure how common or uncommon it is for anyone, to enjoy a song’s melody without taking note of its words. When I finally learned the lyrics of Happier, I was disappointed to find that the song I thought was happy and uplifting actually tells the story of a failing relationship.
Still, I take the song as a letter to oneself, just as how Jason Mraz’s hit single I Won’t Give Up wasn’t written about the challenges of a romantic relationship but about his impassioned affair with the music industry: that no matter how tedious it is, has become, and will continue to be, he is willing to give the “rigmarole” another try, always.
I reckon what the Marshmello song truly means to me goes beyond the wanting to be happier. I’d like to think the music speaks to me as deeply as it does because I am in the process breaking up with a part of myself — the pessimistic, desperate side that devaluates my efforts and victories.
My quest for happiness has led me to the discovery of films (The Secret of Walter Mitty, Yes Man, Happythankyoumoreplease, et cetera) and books (The Heart of the Buddha’s Teachings, How to Not Always Be Working, Zen Pencils compilations, et cetera). From them, I came to apply in my life some bits of wisdom and advice. I’ve become a better version of myself, albeit slightly and gradually, but in my heart, I knew something was still missing.
The search continued, and I took another shot by enrolling in a massive open online class (MOOC) in Coursera sometime last year: “The Science of Well-being” was the online version of Yale University’s most in-demand subject, Psychology and the Good Life.
In the online course, Professor Laurie Santos introduced our cognitive biases, or what she calls the “annoying features of the mind,” which are the reasons we tend to be unhappy or not as happy as we hope we would be.
- Our strongest intuitions are often misleading.
- We judge ourselves relative to reference points which are often irrelevant and make us feel worse than we should.
- Our minds are programmed to adapt and ultimately get used to things.
- We don’t realize how good we are at adapting and coping, and mispredict how certain outcomes will make us feel.
The discussion included the concept of miswanting, defined as “the act of being mistaken about what and how much one will like something in the future.” This basically refers to our innate tendency to want the wrong things. For instance, we chase after getting good grades in school, thinking that a Latin honor will make us happy and content, finally — when what we better be wanting is the learning. We also look for high-paying jobs, in the belief that earning more will make us happy — when what we really want is some sense of fulfillment by doing the work we do.
Throughout the eight-weeks-long course, Santos explained habits that hurt our chances at being truly happy as well as offered activities that are proven by research to help us live a good life.
I’ve recorded pretty thorough notes about this MOOC, which incidentally also happens to be the first I was able to actually finish, but I don’t want to keep other people from experiencing the beauty of discovering science-backed “stuff that really makes us happy.”
As the day ends, I am about to take on the last item on my habit tracking list: “Name five things for which you are grateful.” And, honestly, as days turn into weeks, and weeks turn into months, the acceptance that self-love is always a deliberate choice has changed my perception of living a good life. I am happy — not always, never always, but I am. •
^ I recently participated in a survey related to the course.