Journey of a reluctant leader
At the young age of 24, exactly two years since I officially began working for the country’s largest media network, I was promoted to a position normally held by those at least a decade older than I am.
In gratitude, I accepted the trust and new responsibility thrusted upon me. My youth, however, has always made me feel insecure. During meetings with heads of other departments, I cannot help but feel small — their years of experience swallowing my limited capabilities.
Still, thanks in large to the continued faith of my bosses, I manage to meet expectations, learning viable lessons from the little mistakes I make along the way.
Recently though, I’ve been grappling with the idea of having to play politics in the workplace. It was an incessant advice from my direct supervisor, wisdom given to her when she was a newcomer herself from one of the company’s bigwigs. Deep in my heart, I knew it was something I wouldn’t want to do. To me, playing politics meant doing whatever it takes — telling lies, keeping information from other people, kissing asses — to get what one wants. I wanted to avoid it at all costs.
After a brief meeting with my boss one afternoon, however, I came face to face with a fact I may have denied to myself for so long: that I am now in a position where my actions, or inaction, can affect my team members and the mouths each of them has to feed. That’s why, my boss reminds me, I have to learn to play the game. “Always think of the people. May mga taong umaasa sa’yo para sa trabaho, para sa kita nila. If you have to whore yourself for a project, do it. Otherwise, those people will go on months with empty pockets.”
^ The DocuCentral team after a sumptuous Japanese dinner buffet
and an exciting exchange of yuletide gifts in 2018.
As if timed perfectly, a week-long break had been set for me after I was slapped in the face with this brutal truth. At least, I had some time off to rest and ponder, and find my Zen.
For my short furlough, I was deciding which among two books to read: the graphic 100 Parables of Zen, formerly owned by the father of a good friend, eventually becoming a wonderful gift to me, which another good friend had borrowed and just returned; or the autobiography My Journey: The Story of An Unexpected Leader, written by Charo Santos-Concio, mostly known as the host of long-running show Maalaala Mo Kaya and a distinguished alumna of the arts and sciences department in the university where I graduated.
For exactly eight days, my sole intent was to find sustainable calmness. Why would I spend my downtime reading about leadership and management practices? It was so obvious to me and my colleagues that I needed Zen. For whatever reason, though, I chose the second book.
I had encountered ABS-CBN’s former president and chief executive only once or twice, both as an employee, in events where she delivered keynote speeches. In those brief encounters, I’ve come to admire her more for her calm and graceful demeanor than for her good name and repute. I wished to have the same disposition as she does.
As I pored over her writing, all I sought was an anecdote, never mind how short, about how, at some point in her career, she had to compromise her values and beliefs. Perhaps, I was looking for some form of validation, a nudge, telling me that sheer idealism is never enough to change a system and an institution.
It wasn’t explicitly said in the book, but I found what I was looking for by reading between the lines. The thought gave me comfort. In my mind: If Charo had gravely compromised at some point in her career and still turn out to be the inspiring leader she is now, maybe I could do the same.
Here are some excerpts that resonated with me:
Why I picked up a lengthy book over a lighter read, I could never explain. My gut feel seemed to have intertwined with nature’s way of pointing me in the direction of growth; I merely heeded the call.
In Charo’s stories, I found someone who understands exactly what I am going through as I tread the path of being a reluctant — “I’m too young for this!” — leader. The wisdom of her age and experience reached me as if they were enriching words from a mentor; even if I do not know Charo personally, I feel a deep sense of connection with her.
Her life’s journey wouldn’t have pierced through me if I had read the book some other time. The timing is perfect. Now, I know I will get back to work, fully accepting of the challenges ahead of me. •
In gratitude, I accepted the trust and new responsibility thrusted upon me. My youth, however, has always made me feel insecure. During meetings with heads of other departments, I cannot help but feel small — their years of experience swallowing my limited capabilities.
Still, thanks in large to the continued faith of my bosses, I manage to meet expectations, learning viable lessons from the little mistakes I make along the way.
Recently though, I’ve been grappling with the idea of having to play politics in the workplace. It was an incessant advice from my direct supervisor, wisdom given to her when she was a newcomer herself from one of the company’s bigwigs. Deep in my heart, I knew it was something I wouldn’t want to do. To me, playing politics meant doing whatever it takes — telling lies, keeping information from other people, kissing asses — to get what one wants. I wanted to avoid it at all costs.
After a brief meeting with my boss one afternoon, however, I came face to face with a fact I may have denied to myself for so long: that I am now in a position where my actions, or inaction, can affect my team members and the mouths each of them has to feed. That’s why, my boss reminds me, I have to learn to play the game. “Always think of the people. May mga taong umaasa sa’yo para sa trabaho, para sa kita nila. If you have to whore yourself for a project, do it. Otherwise, those people will go on months with empty pockets.”
^ The DocuCentral team after a sumptuous Japanese dinner buffet
and an exciting exchange of yuletide gifts in 2018.
As if timed perfectly, a week-long break had been set for me after I was slapped in the face with this brutal truth. At least, I had some time off to rest and ponder, and find my Zen.
For my short furlough, I was deciding which among two books to read: the graphic 100 Parables of Zen, formerly owned by the father of a good friend, eventually becoming a wonderful gift to me, which another good friend had borrowed and just returned; or the autobiography My Journey: The Story of An Unexpected Leader, written by Charo Santos-Concio, mostly known as the host of long-running show Maalaala Mo Kaya and a distinguished alumna of the arts and sciences department in the university where I graduated.
For exactly eight days, my sole intent was to find sustainable calmness. Why would I spend my downtime reading about leadership and management practices? It was so obvious to me and my colleagues that I needed Zen. For whatever reason, though, I chose the second book.
I had encountered ABS-CBN’s former president and chief executive only once or twice, both as an employee, in events where she delivered keynote speeches. In those brief encounters, I’ve come to admire her more for her calm and graceful demeanor than for her good name and repute. I wished to have the same disposition as she does.
As I pored over her writing, all I sought was an anecdote, never mind how short, about how, at some point in her career, she had to compromise her values and beliefs. Perhaps, I was looking for some form of validation, a nudge, telling me that sheer idealism is never enough to change a system and an institution.
It wasn’t explicitly said in the book, but I found what I was looking for by reading between the lines. The thought gave me comfort. In my mind: If Charo had gravely compromised at some point in her career and still turn out to be the inspiring leader she is now, maybe I could do the same.
Here are some excerpts that resonated with me:
- Allow your sense of wonder, not your need to know what’s in it for you, to lead the way.
- When we focus on what can go wrong, we lose sight of being grateful for simply having the chance to take that one step.
- A big reason why we don't recognize the opportunities that come our way is because they don't always look like they're meant for us.
- To make the most out of an opportunity, we can’t wait to have everything be perfect.
- When we dare take on something bigger than what we are used to, we have to be prepared for the bigger mistakes we will make too.
- We had to help people feel less like victims of unforeseen decisions from the top.
- In many ways, leading through listening is more important in a content company than in any other company because good stories grow only in an atmosphere of trust.
- What’s the point of arguing if you antagonize the very people you need to be on your side? When you argue your point too much, people stop listening. You may win the argument, but you lose your power to lead.
- Leadership is about mastering our own impulsive behavior, so that we can stay the course and inspire others toward a common goal.
- The gift of empowering people is discovering that they could do quite well without me.
- As a leader, when we begin to feel chronically tired and purposeless, we owe it to ourselves and to our team to stop and take stock. Often, when we get trapped in long-drawn fatigue, it could mean there is some change happening, which we are resisting — or some truth within ourselves that we are avoiding.
- Leaders don’t always power through a slump. In fact, we’ve got to give ourselves the chance to discover what is draining our energy, before we can show others the way forward.
Why I picked up a lengthy book over a lighter read, I could never explain. My gut feel seemed to have intertwined with nature’s way of pointing me in the direction of growth; I merely heeded the call.
In Charo’s stories, I found someone who understands exactly what I am going through as I tread the path of being a reluctant — “I’m too young for this!” — leader. The wisdom of her age and experience reached me as if they were enriching words from a mentor; even if I do not know Charo personally, I feel a deep sense of connection with her.
Her life’s journey wouldn’t have pierced through me if I had read the book some other time. The timing is perfect. Now, I know I will get back to work, fully accepting of the challenges ahead of me. •